Tomorrow is not a new day.

Before kids (ya know, those DINK days) when my husband and I actually had the energy to have a disagreement or an emotional conversation at night, there were times when I wasn't fully resolved by bedtime. I wasn't angry or upset. Usually my mind had worked through whatever we were discussing but my feelings hadn't caught up yet. I was still in a "funk." I would reassure Ben, "No worries. I'll be fine come morning." And I almost always was - bright, chipper, fully back to myself, and motivated to keep going.


There is no new morning anymore. There is just the period of time after a restless night.

There doesn't seem to be individual days anymore either - just wake time, nap time, bed time, wake time, nap time, bed time.

My body constantly aches. When the sun rises and light floods my living room, I don't feel refreshed. I don't feel ready. I don't feel motivated.



There are vestiges all over my home of things I didn't have the time or energy to do yesterday. Things like dishes and kitchen tidy up...

Things like laundry... I'm really fortunate if I remember to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer before it gets musty, have a free basket to put the clean clothes from the dryer in, and the time in which to do any of that. 

I love that we read books to our children and that Calvin already has a love of literature; however, that literature can really start crowding up the floor and table space.

I just don't have the energy or willpower to persevere. Then I wake in the morning, and no loving Dobby-of-a-house elf has picked it all up for me. It's still there - taunting me. 

I realize I haven't properly eaten all day, and I'm starving. So I order pizza. The note that I leave on the door for the delivery guy is left on the door for days afterwards... then it claims it's proper place in this crazy house - the floor.

But as I look at all of the above photos, I really don't see mess. I don't see a tired, haggard household with a mom that wakes up crying. 

I just see love - Jesus's love. The love that hugs the mess. A love that kisses the fingers holding crusty grit that has built up under the nails because my toddler hasn't had a proper bath in days. A love that calls the stinky, sticky wife beautiful. 

I still don't feel it. But I know it... and that will have to do for now.

"Love bears all things..." 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)

There is always Life!

It's taken me awhile to process what Ethan (and we) went through during the first few weeks of his life. I'm still processing. I haven't been that grateful - not really. I've been angry and sad, so very sad. It didn't feel as if my child was rescued. It felt like he was stolen from me. That he was tortured and tormented by pain he couldn't understand and I couldn't soothe - that the very person he was designed to trust and need wasn't allowed to hold him or touch him for so long. I watched as nurses and doctors handled him until one of them told me I was finally allowed.

I'm sure I will always mourn that loss. But I can already see that Time (and Jesus) is such a healer. It already seems so long ago.

Today Ethan is eleven weeks old. He weighs around sixteen and a half pounds. We are breastfeeding wonderfully. His brother smothers him with love and kisses. He is flourishing - with tummy time, kicking, tracking, and smiling!

Today I am filled with gratitude. Today I am filled with joy. My vision is blurred by tears as I look at the man God is allowing me to steward. In this world, there is death and life and the difference between so slim. But with Emmanuel - there is always Life, and Life so abundantly!

Children win at Christmas

Yesterday, on Ben's day off, we went out to pick out our Christmas tree. We usually try to go on an outing on my husband's day off. When we got there, we were approached by a photographer from the local newspaper (The Ledger). He wanted to capture a family picking out a tree. It definitely made the experience novel and even more worth the work of wrangling Calvin. Calvin was more than overjoyed by all of the leaf-blower, wagons, and buckets containing chemicals that he continually tried to play with.

When we arrived home, Ben proceeded to pull all of the Christmas decor out of the attic while I nursed Ethan in the garage and Calvin ran around trying to turn the grill on, pull saws out, and climb up the steps to the attic himself.

Swinging with Daddy after the tantrum.

When everything had been brought inside, we pulled out the first Christmas item to set out - Ben's train set. Upon seeing it, Calvin could not contain his demands to have it. The tantrum that followed was unparalleled in our home. The temptation just to appease him was so very strong. I spent the next twenty minutes in his room trying to at least distract with some of his own toys and books. He calmed down while we were reading Moosestache (a book about a moose with an amazing and problematic mustache that he relentlessly tries to tame). When he calmed down, Ethan started voicing his unhappiness.

The stress of that long, long hour permeated the rest of the day until a dear friend came over so that Ben and I could go on our second date since having Ethan.

"Humble thyself." should be the motto of parenting.

"Nor taketh reward from the innocent..."

Psalm 15:5 (KJV) - "...nor taketh reward from the innocent..."

I know this verse is not exactly talking about fair trade issues or the exploitation of women and children. But my heart couldn't help the association.

Fair trade is definitely more expensive.

Fair trade is definitely less accessible.

But if my neighbor next door was the one sending their children off to work in hot, smoldering fields lined with guards that at anytime could physically take advantage of them, I know I would never support that industry. I couldn't bear to look in that mother's eyes and say that because I want to spend less on groceries, I'm going to support the business that's enslaving her children and family. But it's hard to actually look at that way, isn't it?

A lot of our resources are imported. So we don't see the corruption.
It's also such a big problem. It's all over the world. It's easy to think that one small purchase won't matter.

It's really not a matter of changing the world. Ultimately, only God can do that. For me, it's a matter of standing before God and knowing that I tried to think of Him in relation everything, and that includes my purchases.

1 Peter 4:10 (ESV) "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."

We don't live in America because we earned it, and the children harvesting coffee and cocoa were simply born into life less fortunate than our own. Let's be gracious with our gifts and money as God has been gracious with His mercy not so that we can be puffed up in our good deeds but so that we can better shine forth His love to the world.


Here some links if you'd like to learn more about fair trade.

Criteria for conducting business fairly

Myths surrounding the fair trade industry

A Good Place to Start: 13 Products Most Likely To Be Made by Children or Forced Labor

"a bosom friend" "a kindred spirit"

How many of you have read or seen the film, "Anne of Green Gables?"


I longed to be Anne - to have spunk, keen and bold imagination, red hair, rash honesty, supreme confidence in my own ability to create, and, most of all, to have a "bosom friend," "a kindred spirit."


Alas, none of these are so, and it's taken me a long time to accept my grief.

• I am not spunky, at least not most of the time.
• My imagination usually needs a kick in the pants to get going.
• I am definitely not red-headed.
• My honesty, though too voluntary, is not rash. Indeed, I ponder too much the words I will say, and usually don't say them at all. A fault I'm learning to amend.
• I do not have supreme confidence in my creativity. I've always felt like an awkward girl being more comfortable tossing a football or playing ping pong than crafting or writing or, in general, creating.

And I do not have "a bosom friend."




Don't get me wrong. I have an amazing sister with whom I share a lifte-time of tender (and hair-pulling) bonding. I have a few VERY close friends. I have many GOOD friends. I know several upon several stand-up folks. However, they are none of them "a bosom friend."


I've thought a few relationships would deepen into that "bosom friend"; I felt so connected to someone, that I was sure we would form an everlasting and completely unique bond, but one of the following would typically happen.

• They would move away before a deep, deep connection could be formed.
• We would drift apart before a deep, deep connection could be formed because of very different life choices.
• They had already found their "bosom friend."

Do you know what it's like to be without "a bosom friend?" I'm sure lots of you do. Such a relationship is so rare. How do you feel? I'd love to understand if you feel similarly. It would help me not feel so alone with this.

I feel like I've missed out on very important opportunity in life and also like I can't at all relate to girls (or anybody) who's had a mutual best friend. I sometimes feel sad about it. Sometimes I feel that I have malfunctioned: that I'm deficient in a characteristic necessary of a fully formed woman.


So for those of you who do have "a bosom friend."

Oh, please treasure the amazing, God-granted, serendipitous relationship you share with that friend. For it truly is a treasure to be highly valued and sought after.


Thank you for reading, and please forgive the amazing amount of selfishness in this post. Gratitude is a shawl I'm still learning to put on.

Simplicity is a Home's Best Friend

This is a list of unconventional changes we've made in our home to move us toward a more balanced life. Great ideas for folks who want live cheaper and healthier and have less of an impact on our environment.

Homemade Laundry Soap - I've had random customers from FITniche ask me for this one. This recipe is tried and true. I've used it for months upon months with satisfaction. The cost comes out to less than $.01 per load! And for any cloth diapering moms out there, this has been great for our cloth diaper loads. How could you not try this amazing, green, money-saving recipe? It completely works for energy efficient washers too!

Homemade Diaper Wipe Solution - I've tried a few different versions, but my favorite is "Basic Wipes #2." Even with the poopiest diapers, we've been very satisfied with the results. Just whip it up, transfer to a spray bottle, apply to your baby wipes (these are the kind we use.), and there you go!

Honey Whole Wheat Bread - After realizing that it's much, much cheaper and healthier to make our own bread, I started experimenting several months ago. I've tried many recipes from The Knead for Bread, but didn't find anything that really suited our everyday bread needs. (Although, I did find a killer pita bread recipe.) I started branching out some more, and then I found this recipe! By far, the best everyday bread recipe I've made.

Homemade Veggie Stock - Vegetable stock can be used to replace chicken broth or beef broth whenever you need/want it to. It's also a lot cheaper than its alternatives and SO easy and cheap to make. Simply keep ANY and ALL vegetable scraps you collect. This includes, onion ends, the base of lettuce, the mushed leftovers from minced garlic cloves, the top of leeks, potato or carrot shavings, virtually any veggie scrap. Once you get approximately a gallon-sized Ziploc bag worth of scraps, pour it into a large pot, fill with water (there's no rules here.), bring to boil, reduce heat and cover and let simmer at least 30 minutes (the longer, the tastier).

Homemade Facial Scrub - This is my favorite homemade facial scrub that I've tried. It combines two simple ingredients: brown sugar and olive oil. I know what you're thinking. Olive oil? On my face? Won't that clog my pores? Nope! I did, however, follow the scrub with a very light soap rinse to remove any excess oil that was still very much on the surface of my face. I've tried this thrice and loved it every time. It will definitely become a weekly ritual! (P.S. Check out her organic and eco-friendly facial products. I can't wait to try them out!)

Odor Shield - So how many of you know that baking soda is a great deodorizer? Most of you, right? How many of you know that you can apply it (dampened with some water) directly under your armpit and you'll stay odor free all day? I had no idea it was so simple a fix. I've been doing this for over a month now, and I feel horribly lied to by all of the commercial deodorant companies that tell me I need an amazing concoction of chemicals to "stay fresh." Just as a disclaimer, though, this will not keep you from sweating. We are supposed to sweat. This will merely keep the sweat from smelling. Here is a link on the dangers of commercial deodorants. WARNING: You only need a VERY small amount of baking soda for it to be effective. Too much will start to irritate the skin.

What are your favorite tips/recipes/alternatives that have helped you? Please share whatever you've found helps you! I love learning how simplify our lives more!

Suicide Birth

My dad is dead.


My first-born son smiles.


My dad is dead.


My first-born son coos.


My dad is dead.


My first-born son wakes.




Surreal paradox.




I can't fully express what it is like to give birth, to give life to another human being through amazing effort and triumphant labor. I can try, but in the end, it's something you can only know by experiencing it for yourself.


I can't fully express what it is like for someone you love to take their own life. To know that everything you gave and shared and loved is gone. And gone by their choice. Again, you pretty much need to experience it for yourself to know what it feels like.


To feel them both within six weeks of each other is... Well, it's even harder to put into words.




But here is my poor attempt.




On the evening of April 4th, there was a knock at the door. We were eating dinner with a friend, so I was caught even more off guard than normal by this unexpected visitor. I opened the door. I was asked, gently and kindly, by a police chaplain to either step outside or if they could come inside. I stepped out, trying to know what was more appropriate for our dinner guest. Honestly, at this point, all I saw was police. I thought I was in trouble for running a toll booth or some nonsense like that. The fact that I had three representatives of the police force, a police chaplain, a police officer, and a civilian, at my door hadn't fully hit me.


He confirmed that I indeed was Drew Arnold, daughter of Daniel Sebastian.


Then he told me that my dad committed suicide.


I felt myself fall, gasping for air and crying.


I kicked the air and the ground in anger.


I hid my face from the knowledge and the pain it brought.


Ben was holding Calvin when the visitors arrived, yet somehow he appeared by my side, Calvin-less, right as I bumped into the recycling bin on my way down. Some time in the midst of my emotion he excused our dinner guest, claimed our son from her helpful arms, and rejoined us outside. Shortly after our troop of grief-bringing visitors left, it was time to nurse Calvin. Push "pause" on grief.


I looked down at my suckling son, so precious in his ways, so vulnerable and dependent upon me. I couldn't help but experience happiness. I couldn't help but be grateful. I couldn't help but be humble... For ten to fifteen minutes.


And so began the stop and go pattern of emotional extremes. 


Throughout my grief, nursing Calvin to sleep have been the most cherished, precious parts of my day. My Comforter often visits me in this quiet, still time bringing tears of joy and worship to my eyes. Tears that fall on my son as he enters his dreamland. 


And I remember.


I remember that we are all depraved. That we all need and crave redemption. That I have a promise of that redemption. I need not fear loss. I need not fear pain. For the Redeemer brings life. The Redeemer brings rejoicing. 

Pregnancy/Birth/Parenting Books That I Found Critically Helpful

I'm sure many of you can empathize with first-time parents. There are so many questions, so many insecurities,  and you've probably never wanted to do something else better than you want to do this. I certainly feel that way. 

Here are some books that helped us and are helping us on our journey of parenting. I hope the information is a blessing to you.

Husband Coached Childbirth by Dr. Robert A. Bradley

This book was a great help to me in preparing to give birth. Although it's geared toward the husband, I received numerous pearls of wisdom from Dr. Bradley. He covered amazingly helpful topics, such as, exercises to prepare for birth, diet to prepare for birth, hydration during birth and after birth, breathing during labor, labor positions, relaxation exercises, and much more. I felt very prepared (as prepared as one can for first-time birth) for what my body was going to anatomically and emotionally go through. He is a bit long-winded and repetitive at times, but the knowledge gleaned is worth the wordiness. I highly recommend to mommies and daddies!






The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin


My husband actually read this book. It was loaned to us from the Barber's Household Library (my coined name for our in-laws large collection of amazing books). He felt, after reading this book, very prepared for the different stages of labor that I would go through, what I and the baby would be doing during these stages of labor, and how to emotionally support me through the stages. In fact, at our birth education class (a requirement for first-time home-birthing mothers), he knew exactly what all of the stages were, about how long they would last, and what mommy and baby were working on during the phases. He also felt he had a good grasp on different birthing positions/labor positions and how to support me getting in and out of those positions and hold me while in the position. I personally felt so supported by him during birth. I know I couldn't have done so well without him. I highly recommend this book!






Make an Informed Vaccine Decision for the Health of Your Child: A Parent's Guide to Childhood Shots by Dr. Mayer Eisenstein 


This book was loaned to us by some good friends. We went into it not knowing much about vaccines at all. I hadn't done any research of my own before this. I had many conversations with other parents who were for vaccines, against vaccines, for vaccines but against the current schedule. I was very confused about vaccines in general. I had many questions, such as, "How many do they give the child at a time?" "How often will the child be administered vaccines?" "What's actually in the vaccines?" "Are there reports of the vaccines causing death or illness?" "How helpful are the vaccines?" "Will breastfeeding be a good alternative to vaccines?" All of these questions and more were answered. A few of my FAVORITE things about this book are it's format, it's delivery, and its matter-of-fact tone. Dr. Eisenstein (who is also a lawyer, by the way) presents each vaccine in a very textbook fashion giving each vaccine it's own chapter. Within each chapter, each vaccine is broken down into sections, with topics covering the history of the vaccine, the history of the disease being vaccinated, the ingredients, the efficacy, US Dept of Health results after administering the vaccines, parents personal responses after their child received vaccine, and much more. He also gives his sources for his research directly after each chapter, making it easier and more accessible to do your own research. I highly recommend this book!






No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley 


This book was another loan from the Barber Household Library. It was a great rock and resource for us in those rough first months. I'm sure it will continue to be a great resource to us as our children grow. It talks of the difference between fussy parents and fussy children, reminded us that every child is different, and connects attachment parenting to healthy sleeping. It is chock full of advice, tips, and daily strategies to help you soothe and love your children into peaceful rest. It addresses parents who use cribs, who co-sleep, and who use a combination of the two. It breaks down the amount of sleep a child should be getting at each level of development. It offers worksheets in order to track your child's nursing/sleeping patterns so you can discover how to better help your child fall asleep and stay asleep. Moreover the language and tone are very encouraging and loving. I could tell this woman was coming from personal love, sleepless nights, and real-life experience as a mother of multiple children herself. I have referred back to this book at least ten times (after reading the first time) in the four and half months of being a parent. It's an excellent addition to any parent's library!






The Attachment Connection: Parenting a Secure & Confident Child Using the Science of Attachment Theory by Ruth P. Newton, PH.D.


This book is on loan from my husband's parents. This book is fascinating even if you're not a parent. The first half of the book connects the emotional NEEDS of an infant/child to how well it will develop critical skills, coping skills, and social skills. It references numerous case studies and research of others domestically and internationally. It makes highly detailed neurological science completely accessible taking you through the development of the brain in the early stages of life. The second half of the book condenses child development into successive age groups, such as birth-two months of age, two-four months of age, and so on, explaining healthy behavior and unhealthy behavior, what new growth to expect, and how to best engage your child in these age groups. I love the approach this author takes on parenting. She brings so much insight into the otherwise unknown world of baby's brain and how emotional stability and attachment securing are the most important gifts you could ever give your child. This book is a favorite of mine!

"Lettin' It All Hang Out"

We have company today. Last night, Ben and I talked about tidying up our baby-messy home in the morning.

Morning arrives.

Calvin nurses around 7am and finishes a little before 8am. He falls asleep wonderfully giving me time to make and eat breakfast and shower!

Ben awakes feeling horrible, which he tells me while I'm in the shower. After I also shower Calvin, Ben takes him and they both fall asleep in the living room leaving what, do you imagine? All of the cleaning for me.

I was very unhappy. Okay, I was angry. For the first time all week, I wanted to look nice, to not be sweaty, to not have frizzy, unkempt hair, to have make-up on, to feel ready for the day. But as I'm sweating over the hot dishwater, I'm fumingly realizing that's not what's going to happen.

While I'm doing all of this housework, I'm constantly talking to myself silently. I keep retelling myself that my husband loves me and he's not purposefully neglecting. I'm also telling myself that I got less sleep last night, I don't feel good most of the time, and I have another person who is constantly in need of my every resource.

I decide to walk to Walgreen's to fetch some ice, which also gives me the opportunity to process and clear my head. I know I need to talk to Ben. I know passive aggression will only lead to an altercation, which deep down, I know I don't want. I want to share my feelings with the love of my life and feel validated nothing more. I don't want to him in the process. So away I go...

I return. Immediately upon entering, I "let it all hang out." I admit to Ben that I was angry, what made me angry and by extension hurt. I communicate honestly and openly trying not to be afraid of his response and understanding that this more about our relationship with God than with each other.

As Ben's sister in Christ, it's my responsibility to communicate to him in the most loving manner, to let him know when I've been hurt, and to forgive as quickly as possible.

I'm very honored to say that Ben completely exemplified Christ and was amazingly loving in his response. The day went on to be full of love and wonder.

Post-Partum-ness

Life after a baby is vastly different than life before.

Most of our internal changes are catalyzed by a changes in our circumstances. We graduate college and we learn what it means to live with debt. We get married and we learn just how selfish we really are. We have a baby... and we learn acceptance (among other things). In the three weeks I've been a mother, I believe that's strongest lesson I've learned.

I've accepted that not only can I not do everything on my own, there's not much I can do on my own.

I've accepted my new stretch marks with pride.

I've accepted that my time to be productive is limited to Calvin's deep naps, which can last from 20 minutes to 2 hours at a time.

I've accepted that I will not be sleeping through the night for years to come.

I've accepted that I will leave the house with spit-up on me because it was hard enough to find an outfit that looked good and fit me.

I've accepted that I'm not the best judge of when I need help.

I've accepted inefficiency.

I've accepted that this new responsibility scares me.

I've accepted that what I want to happen may not come close to fruition.

I've accepted that I'm going to fail my child, my husband, myself, and God over and over and over again.

Okay, that might have sounded depressing, ungrateful, selfish, and just downright wrong. It had a purpose, though. I believe that in order to move forward in life, we have to fully recognize and accept what we've lost in order to embrace the new life in front of us.

This may be a stretch of an example, but Jesus didn't look at his death to come with rose-colored glasses. He requested a way out. He grieved the loss of his life. He was able to completely accept the emotional and physical pain put in front of Him because He didn't shy away from it. He didn't pretend that it wouldn't be so bad. He didn't convince Himself that He didn't need His Father to comfort Him before the turmoil came. He prayed all night long. He sought the support of friends. Then with all of this done, He then looked with joy at the course set out in front of Him.

And so...

I've accepted that everyday I get be God's instrument molding a new life.

I've accepted that Ben and I get to be an example of marital love.

I've accepted that I get to hold and cuddle a miracle.

I've accepted that I get to die to myself everyday to put my family first.

I've accepted that I am the matriarch of a new legacy.

I've accepted my chief role as nurturer.

I've accepted that I will be daily awed and astounded by the growth of a child.

I've accepted that Calvin is God's son first and foremost.

The Birth of Calvin Davies Arnold

It's four am. I have to pee. 

I got back in bed, slightly suspicious of some extra "leaking" that I experienced. Approximately five minutes after returning to bed, it happened. My water broke. There was no mistaking it.

It's February 18th. 36 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy - approximately three weeks before my due date. 

I was almost hysterical looking for my husband's phone (because my battery was dead). 36 weeks and 6 days meant that I might not be able to have our baby at home. Leaking all over our house, I found the midwife's phone number and my husband's phone and settled on the toilet to make the call. After a 15 minute conversation full of trepidation, Marianne (our midwife) said she would come over and check on me before making the official "hospital" decision.

It's 4:22am. I wake up Ben. 

Ben was full of concern. He immediately realized (even in his not fully awake state) that there was a strong possibility of going to the hospital. We talked about it and prayed about it. We gave the situation over to God. Whatever happened, we were ready to praise God for it. The next big move was to eat. If we had to go to the hospital, I wouldn't be allowed to eat, so we were going to get breakfast in while we could. He made coffee, and I made eggs and toast.

It's approximately 4:45am. Marianne arrives.

She sat down at our table while I was scarfing breakfast down. She took my vitals - blood pressure, temperature, etc. She took the baby's vitals. Everything was looking good. Ben pulled out his (actually my) Nike GPS watch that we got from FITniche and tracked my contractions using the lap function. At first, I was very bad at remembering to tell Ben when the contractions had ended, but after breakfast was safely and wonderfully in my belly, I was able to concentrate more.

1 1/2 hours elapse. It's approximately 6:00am. Marianne says we can stay home! My body and the baby are both responding to labor wonderfully! My contractions are 30-45 seconds long and 1:45-2:00 minutes apart.

Marianne left after instructing us to take a nap and then to go for a walk when the sun comes up and to call her if there was any major changes in my progress. Ben and I had decided earlier in the pregnancy that we wanted to labor to a Harry Potter movie marathon, so after we readied the bed for labor, he put in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for us to fall asleep to. I didn't get much sleep. But the rest was helpful.

The sun is up. It's approximately 7:45am.


We got up and got dressed. I grabbed some coconut water for the walk and we were out the door. The fog was beautifully eerie. Perfect birthing weather. We decided to walk down to Ariana Park and back. Ben took a video of me using his phone during this walk. We made it about a block and a half before Ben called it and said we should turn around and go back home. During this time my contractions progressed to 1:45-2:00 minutes long and 50-60 seconds apart. My favorite coping mechanism was to place my arms around Ben's neck, lean on him, and sway. We did this so often during the walk, I think some drivers were a bit disconcerted. Luckily, there weren't many drivers. He started giving me wonderful encouragements and affirmations without which I would have been lost. I had also started groaning through the contractions, hoping to keep my body and cervix relaxed. Ben called Marianne on the way back home.

Everything is blending together now.

Marianne arrived shortly after we got home and started taking vitals again. Mommy and Baby were doing great. Around this time, Marianne gave me some advice that I'll never forget, "Remember, we want the contractions to become closer, longer, and more intense." I kept that in my mind the rest of the labor. After awhile, I made the call to move to the bed. I don't know how I knew that it was time. I just knew my body needed to be more... horizontal. Once I laid down, everything really sped up. Marianne instructed me to roll onto my right side and hold my left knee in my left hand. It ended being a wonderful birthing position for me. Ben knelt on the bed right beside my head, affirming me, holding me, and encouraging me the whole time. The "urge to bear down" came upon me like no other feeling. It was almost involuntary to push. After very few pushes, Marianne said she got a glimpse of the head. A few pushes more, and I reached down to feel. I felt my baby's head! Ben could see it too. After Baby fully crowned, it took only three little pushes to get the head out. It was the most amazing feeling. In one more push, I delivered our little boy! Ben started crying immediately. Our baby was immediately placed on my rib cage (The umbilical cord was too short to reach my chest.).

It's 9:50am. I'm in my bedroom with my husband right beside me and our son on top of me. Everybody's healthy.

 K. Barber Photography

Happiness. Bliss. Shock. Humility. Awe. Love. Thankfulness. None of these fully describe the experience.